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Published: 22nd September 2025
Hearing that your parents are divorcing can make you feel like your world has been turned upside down. Even as an adult, with your own responsibilities, perhaps even a family of your own and living life away from the family home, the news can stir up deep emotions. For some, it may reopen childhood memories; for others, it might raise questions about identity, loyalty and what family means now.
In this article, we explore how adult children can process their own emotions when their parents divorce, how they can provide support without stepping into a parental role themselves, and how they can adjust to a new version of family life.
When you are past the age of 18, the idea of your parents separating can feel like something that happens to other families. By adulthood, it feels as though your family foundations are fixed, your childhood home is a safe point of return, and your parents will always remain together as a family unit.
That’s why, if you hear the words “we’re getting divorced” as an adult, it can feel like your whole world has been turned upside down.
Many believe that divorce is easier on families with grown-up children. After all, there’s no longer a need to balance child arrangements, which can be a cause for contention and family upset. But the reality is that adult children can be just as deeply affected by family separation.
When you’re a grown-up, your parents’ divorce can leave you feeling destabilised, conflicted or questioning your identity – even in your twenties, thirties, or beyond. Divorce among older adults is becoming increasingly common.
According to the census analysis of the Office for National Statistics 2021 Census carried out by Civitas, the proportion of people aged 65–69 who had ever been divorced had risen sharply over the past 30 years - from 4.2% of men and 4.8% of women in 1991 to 14.4% of men and 17.9% of women in 2021.
This trend means that more adult children are now dealing with the challenges of their parents’ separation later in life.
It’s normal to feel conflicted when your parents separate. Even if you sensed that their relationship was strained, hearing the news can trigger shock or disbelief. You may revisit childhood memories and wonder whether your happy family moments were real.
You might also experience feelings aligned with the five stages of grief, a model developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969:
● denial
● anger
● bargaining
● depression
● acceptance
Not everyone will go through these stages in the same way or this exact order, but recognising them can help you understand the emotional ups and downs you may face.
On an evolutionary level, humans are wired to find security in tribes and families. When that structure shifts, it can leave you feeling unsettled. Perhaps you are questioning:
● Where is home now?
● What does family look like for me?
● What kind of support will I receive from my parents in the future?
It’s normal to find yourself thinking this way. The answers come gradually, often alongside practical milestones – such as when the family home is sold or when new family traditions begin to form.
Remember that this is dependent upon both of your parents working out what their new life will look like first, and this can take time.
It’s common for adult children to experience a sense of role reversal, with one parent turning to you as a confidant, whether consciously or unconsciously.
You may find yourself carrying not only your own emotions but theirs as well. While empathy and open conversations are important, you are not responsible for resolving their problems or healing their pain. If a parent leans on you too heavily, you could consider saying something along these lines:
“I love you and want to support you, but I’m not the right person to help you through this. Have you thought about talking to a counsellor or close friend?”
This helps maintain boundaries while encouraging them to seek appropriate support that safeguards your well-being. They may also find it useful to read our article: Divorce later in Life: Overcoming challenges and embracing new beginnings.
Divorcing parents can sometimes draw other family members into conflicts. You might be asked to relay messages or feel you need to “take sides”.
Even if you’ve always been closer to one parent, it’s important to avoid becoming a mediator. That’s easier said than done and can sometimes feel like walking a tightrope. Try to:
● listen with compassion, without agreeing to talk negatively about the other parent
● avoid becoming the “go-between”
● encourage both parents to find independent support
When boundaries are blurred, it can lead to trust issues or feelings of resentment. Remind yourself that your parents’ relationship is theirs, not yours. If necessary, calmly suggest that your parents explore professional services such as counselling, mediation, or collaborative divorce. Divorce Coaching is another option which may appeal if either parent is struggling with the process.
Family mediation can help your parents to resolve financial and practical issues in a structured way, reducing the emotional toll on children, whether those children are five or forty-five. Encouraging your parents to resolve their disputes this way will help to keep things amicable – you can then hopefully avoid conflict and protect your own wellbeing.
Your parents’ separation doesn’t mean the end of your family. It does still exist – just in a different form. Structured changes have to come first, and then things will begin to evolve naturally.
At some point, one or both of your parents may meet someone else (and, of course, some divorces happen because one person has already met someone else), or they could even decide to marry again.
That is probably a topic for a whole other blog, but many blended families soon find their own rhythm, creating bonds and sometimes discovering new sources of connection and support along the way.
You might find that you will:
● see your parents separately rather than together
● create new family traditions
● involve new partners, in-laws, or stepsiblings in family events
● share your children’s milestones with more sets of grandparents
It can feel daunting at first, but over time, new routines and rituals will bring stability again.
How family occasions will work can be one of the most difficult adjustments. Birthdays, Christmas, weddings and other family occasions can feel awkward at first.
Even a simple Sunday lunch can feel like a cause for potential conflict. Any sense of togetherness that once came naturally may feel fractured, and the pressure to “keep everyone happy” often falls hardest on adult children.
A few practical ways to make things easier include:
● Prioritising – identify which parent values a particular event most and build your plans around that.
● Sharing fairly – aim to divide your time equally without sacrificing your own enjoyment. You deserve to celebrate, too.
● Creating new traditions – things don’t have to look the same as before to be meaningful. Sometimes a change of routine makes space for new memories, which can be equally special.
If you have children of your own, you may also be juggling grandparents’ expectations. This can add pressure, but the same principle applies – fairness, communication and not overcommitting yourself at the expense of your well-being.
Making space for your own emotions
Just because you’re an adult doesn’t mean your emotions should be minimised. Sadness, guilt, anger, and even relief can all surface – sometimes in quick succession.
You might feel frustrated if your parents are too absorbed in their own pain to support you, or feel guilty if you believe they only stayed together for your sake. You may even question whether your childhood was as happy or stable as you remember.
All these feelings are normal. Practical steps include:
● talking with siblings or trusted friends about your experiences
● seeking professional counselling to gain a neutral perspective
● allowing yourself time to grieve the changes and process your emotions
External sources of support can provide an independent and objective view. The charity Restored Lives offers practical courses and articles to help people of all ages recover from relationship breakdowns. They also run courses for young adults whose parents have separated. Resources like these can help give reassurance while you process the change within your family.
For many adult children, one of the most painful stages comes if the family home is sold. It looks like it is just a practical part of the separation process, but in reality, it can feel like the loss of stability, memories and the physical anchor point of your family.
Acknowledging this grief is important. It’s natural to feel sadness or nostalgia when the place that held your childhood memories is no longer “home”. Acceptance often comes later, when you begin to build new routines and ways of connecting with each parent individually in their new homes.
As an adult child, it’s easy to feel that your emotions are overlooked if your parents’ divorce. Concerns about losing the family home or being drawn too deeply into their struggles are natural.
What matters is recognising the limits of your role: you can offer love and support without sacrificing your own wellbeing. Talking to a counsellor, leaning on trusted networks, and giving yourself space to grieve can all help you process the change.
Most importantly, while your parents’ marriage may end, your family continues — just in a new form.
Traditions may evolve, homes may change, and you may even find yourself celebrating two Christmases instead of one! Over time, these new patterns can become meaningful in their own way, helping you to preserve togetherness without feeling caught in the middle.
At K J Smith Solicitors, we understand that a separation can affect every generation. If your parents, or someone else you know, could benefit from our guidance, we offer a free 45-minute consultation. We help people to explore their options – whether through mediation, legal advice or other supportive measures – so they can step into the next chapter of their story.
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