Making summer work: navigating child arrangements during the summer holidays

Co-parenting in the summer: why it's different after separation

When you’re in a relationship, co-parenting often happens naturally. Each parent tends to pick up the slack, sometimes without even realising it.

One may be juggling their work diary to cover childcare, while the other makes small adjustments that almost go unnoticed but keep everything running smoothly. It’s a shared rhythm that often goes unspoken – until separation changes the dynamic.

Suddenly, trying to manage the logistics of summer holidays can expose those once invisible roles and common questions arise:

● What should we do knowing that we don’t have enough leave between us to cover the whole holiday?

● Who will take care of the children?

● Should we rely on kids’ clubs, grandparents, or make other new arrangements?

● What if we both want to go abroad at the same time?

● How do we deal with a family wedding that clashes with our plans?

To resolve logistical challenges like this, clear, timely and reliable communication is key. Say what you are planning to do and follow through.

This not only reduces tension but also builds a solid foundation of trust and predictability that will benefit everyone – especially your children.

Planning ahead

One of the most effective ways to avoid conflict is communicating your plans early. If, for example, one of you is required to work during the first week of August due to an important project, flagging this in May or June gives the other parent time to adjust their plans.

A last-minute request may create resentment or be impossible to accommodate. Supporting each other’s careers, even after separation, will set a strong example for children and maintain family stability.

One of you may have traditionally taken on more of the childcare responsibilities during school holidays. Following separation, those patterns may need to change and both of you need to consider how to adapt your working schedules or childcare plans to reflect these new circumstances.

Child Arrangement Orders

If you have a Child Arrangement Order in place – a legally-binding court order that sets out where your child lives and how they spend time with each of you (including in the school holidays) – it’s essential to follow its terms.

If you need an adjustment for a specific occasion (such as a family wedding or an unexpected holiday opportunity), and both of you agree, you should document it in writing, even informally by text or email. This provides clarity and avoids any misunderstandings.

If you find your existing arrangement no longer suits your child’s needs or your family’s situation, which is common as children grow older or co-parenting relationships evolve, you may wish to seek legal advice.

A family solicitor can help you negotiate a revised agreement or apply to the court for a variation to reflect the new arrangements.

Flexibility in effective co-parenting

In successful co-parenting arrangements, a degree of flexibility can go a long way. Life is unpredictable. Plans change, opportunities arise and emergencies happen. Being able to make occasional adjustments in a respectful and child-focused way can foster a far more cooperative co-parenting dynamic.

Consider a situation where your ex is invited to a family reunion during your contact weekend. If you're able to accommodate a switch, it’s likely to be appreciated – and may set the tone for mutual support in the future if you are the one wanting to make a change.

Remember, your child benefits most when you can communicate and cooperate without conflict.

Of course, flexibility should not mean inconsistency or uncertainty for your child. You should clearly agree and document any changes. Take the time to explain any changes and the reasons for them with your children.

Effective communication

Communication breakdowns are often the root cause of family conflict. Let’s face it, people lead busy lives and being a single parent is challenging. We wouldn’t be human if we didn’t drop the ball and occasionally forget to communicate something important.

There are a variety of tools that can help reduce misunderstandings and transform co-parenting relationships.

Shared digital calendars and co-parenting apps are becoming increasingly popular in the UK. They can help you to keep each other informed about plans, medical appointments, school holidays and events. They also provide a written record of arrangements, which can be invaluable if disputes arise.

Some of the most useful co-parenting apps include:

● OurFamilyWizard: which offers a secure messaging system, shared calendars and expense tracking

● Talking Parents: an app which provides clear communication channels and transparency by keeping reliable written records

● Cozi: a free, user-friendly, family calendar app, which is particularly helpful for managing diaries

● 2houses: an app designed specifically for separated parents, with shared diaries, finance tracking and messaging tools

By creating transparency and reducing miscommunication, these tools help parents stay focused on the wellbeing of their children.

Taking children abroad after separation

If you plan to take your child abroad, you must let your co-parent know well in advance. You’ll need:

● a valid passport for your child (check expiry dates now)

● appropriate travel insurance and a Global Health Insurance Card (GHIC) for your children if travelling within Europe

● a letter of consent from the other parent, particularly if you do not have a court order granting permission to take the child abroad

The UK Government provides detailed guidance about getting permission to take a child abroad.

Without the appropriate agreement and documentation, taking a child abroad can have serious legal consequences, including it being treated as child abduction. It is always better to plan ahead and ensure you have all the correct permissions in place.

Parental wellbeing

Parenting over the summer holidays can be emotionally and physically demanding. Whether you’re missing your children, or feeling overwhelmed by full-time care, your wellbeing matters too.

You may find that time away from your children can trigger feelings of sadness, anxiety or loneliness – especially if this is your first summer after your separation. Try to see it as an opportunity to reconnect with yourself. Consider:

● reaching out to friends and family for support

● planning days out in advance

● starting a new regular hobby or activity

It’s your summer too, wherever you can embrace the season. Whether it’s a walk over a lunch break or a coffee in silence to start your day, take the time wherever you can to make it your own.

We all have pain points in the parent juggle. If you know that you loathe having to organise dinner, set up a meal plan or get your groceries delivered to your door to save yourself the frantic drive to the shops.

Above all else, know that you are not alone! If you would like to grow your network with parents who are facing the same summer holiday juggle, Gingerbread offers the opportunity to find a local group near you.

Fun things to do with your child this summer

Remember, children value your presence far more than extravagant outings. Simple, relaxed activities like picnics in the park, home movie nights, or baking together can create lasting memories.

Here are a few fun and cost-effective activity ideas to consider this summer:

Creative Saturdays at the Petersfield Museum and Art Gallery

These free creative drop-in events are designed to ignite your creativity and build connections in the community. No booking required. See the Petersfield Museum website for more details.

Workshops at the North Wall Arts Centre in Oxford

From the Youth Lab Camera Club (running now until 21st of July) to Spoken Word Masterclasses, the North Wall Arts Centre has a jam-packed array of workshops to choose from throughout July and August. Book tickets in advance on the North Wall Arts Centre website.

Summer of Sport at Milestones Museum, Basingstoke

Milestones Living History Museum is hosting a series of fun sporting events, from Saturday Sports Days for the whole family, Football, Golf and Tennis Weeks, to Victorian PE Lessons! All activities are included in the normal admission price. Discover more about their summer of sport on the Milestones Museum website.

Nature Detectives Trail at Warburg Nature Reserve, Henley-on Thames

It's free, it's fun and it's great for all the family! Pick up a special backpack from the Interpretation Centre. It includes games, trail notes and spotter sheets for wildlife from beetles below to red kites above. Children can follow the trail through the woods, the wildlife pond and the grassy glades at their own pace. Check out the Warburg Nature Reserve website for more information.

When arrangements break down

Despite everyone’s best efforts, arrangements can sometimes break down. If communication becomes strained or one parent stops cooperating, it’s important to seek support early.

Family mediation can be a constructive first step. A mediator can help you to reach agreements on child arrangements without going to court. The process is voluntary, confidential and focused on the child’s best interests. You can read more about how it works in our article about mediation.

Mediation is not appropriate in every situation, particularly if there has been any abuse, coercive control or intimidation. If this reflects your circumstances, it’s essential to seek legal advice. A solicitor can help you secure a robust and protective Child Arrangement Order and take further action if your former partner is using child arrangements as a form of post-separation abuse.

A well-drafted order offers clarity, limits opportunities for manipulation, and ensures your child’s welfare remains at the centre of every decision.

Need support navigating child arrangements this summer?

At K J Smith Solicitors, we offer a free 45-minute consultation with an experienced family law solicitor. Whether you're preparing for your first summer after your separation, managing ongoing challenges or needing to revisit your current arrangements, our team is here to support you and your family’s best interests. With the right support and proactive planning, the summer holidays can be a time of fun and new beginnings for you and your children.