Back to school: A guide for co-parents

Whether you are brand new to co-parenting or have been doing it for years, the start of the school year can feel like hitting the reset button on family life. New schools, new timetables, new extra-curricular activities – and that’s before you factor in growth spurts, last-minute shoe shopping and the endless hunt for missing PE kits.

As the first day of term approaches, parents are busy getting everything in place for the return to school. For separated co-parents, there can be even more moving parts to juggle. If you’re also balancing a demanding job, it can feel like you’re working twice as hard to keep everything running smoothly.

In this blog, we’ll share practical back-to-school tips to help ease the pressure and set your children up for a calm, confident start to the academic year. With a mix of smart planning, clear communication and a little flexibility, everyone can feel secure and supported.

Supporting your children back to school

If you and your co-parent can communicate well, small acts of teamwork can make a big difference to your child’s confidence as they head back to school. Keeping routines similar across both households and in line with school timetables will help them feel safe, settled and able to focus on their learning.

Many parents find it helpful to:

• start the year together – particularly if it’s their first day in a new school, taking your child in together will show a united front
• agree consistent pick-up routines which will help children to settle sooner
• share homework responsibilities to show that education is valued equally in both homes and both parents will endeavour to see that it’s always completed on time
• inform the children of daily plans and arrangements so they know what’s happening, who will be there for them at the end of the school day, and which home they will be going to that evening

Communicating with their school

Helping your children through your separation means also making sure their school provides stability and support during this period of change.

If you’ve recently separated, let your child’s school know:

• there has been a change of circumstances at home
• who will be collecting them and on which days
• any changes to your emergency contact details
• how and when they can share information with both of you, so no one is left out of the loop

Most schools now use parent–school communication apps to keep everything in one place. These apps make life easier by handling cashless payments for meals, trips and supplies, while also sharing important updates like reports, timetables, homework and even behaviour notes. It’s a good idea for both co-parents to have their own login details and make sure bank information is updated in line with any financial arrangements you’ve agreed.

Gingerbread is a leading UK charity dedicated to supporting single parent families. It provides a range of useful co-parenting information, including a helpful guide to talking to the school about your separation.

If you’ve been separated for some time, a new school year can still bring fresh challenges. Try to keep teachers informed about any concerns so they can keep an eye on your children and provide extra support if it’s needed.

Communicating with your co-parent

Good communication is the backbone of effective co-parenting. This doesn’t mean sending constant messages to one another, but clear, timely updates that keep everyone aligned.

For smoother communication, you can:

• use written channels like email or app messaging for clarity and keeping a record
• manage a shared calendar to avoid crossed wires – you can do this through a basic online system such as a Google Family Calendar
• use a co-parenting app to keep plans visible and reduce scope for misunderstandings

Options include:

• OurFamilyWizard which offers a secure messaging system, shared calendars and expense tracking
• Talking Parents, which provides clear communication channels and transparency by keeping reliable written records
• Cozi, a free, user-friendly, family calendar app, which is particularly helpful for managing diaries
• 2houses, designed specifically for separated parents, with shared diaries, finance tracking and messaging tools

Sorting arrangements and school logistics

From drop-offs and pick-ups to new uniforms and sports kits, the practical side of school life can be some of the biggest early-term challenges.

You may already have a Child Arrangements Order that sets out where your children live and how their time is shared, including term-time schedules. In addition, a Specific Issue Order can help to define other matters relating to your child’s upbringing, such as who pays the school fees and other expenses.

If you and your co-parent agree on your child arrangements, there is no requirement for official paperwork. However, a family law solicitor can help you to prepare a clear, written agreement to ensure everyone understands their responsibilities and help prevent future misunderstandings.

Back to school costs

Starting the new school year can be costly – those inevitable summer growth spurts often mean bigger sizes all round. But it’s not just about the expense. There’s the practical side too: who will take the blazers to be dry cleaned, make the trip for new school shoes, queue for a fitting and make sure that they have everything on the kit list? And if your child is starting at a new school, you might be looking at a complete uniform overhaul.

Agree early on about areas such as:

• who will go out to buy the uniform and supplies
• who will pay for uniforms, shoes, sports kits and stationery – will you buy items jointly or separately?
• how you’ll split other ongoing costs like lunches, clubs and school trips

Sorting these things in advance will help you to budget, avoid last-minute disagreements, and ensure the children have everything they need without any hiccups along the way.

Drop-offs and pick-ups

School gates can be hectic enough without last-minute confusion over who’s collecting the children. Agree on a regular routine and confirm it in writing so everyone, especially your child, knows what to expect.

Life happens and you might occasionally have to adjust your agreed schedule. As co-parents it’s important to be realistic and prepared to support each other from time to time. A little flexibility can go a long way, but try to minimise last-minute changes to keep routines stable and predictable.

Give your co-parent as much notice as possible if plans need to change, so you both have time to adjust without added stress. And be specific – avoid vague arrangements like, “I’ll pick them up later”.

Planning for term-time and holidays

Thankfully school calendars are predictable. If your child attends a UK state school, the term times are laid out on your local council website. If your child goes to an independent school, you can visit the school’s website or their online parent portal to find the school calendar.

Be sure to plan ahead for:

• Inset days – which can easily catch you off guard
• Half-terms and holidays – agree who will take time off work, book childcare or arrange activities
• Special events – concerts, sports days or school fairs that might not fall on “your” days
• Parent/teacher meetings – and decide if you will attend them together
• Regular check-ins with your co-parent – even just a quick calendar review – can prevent crossed wires.

When issues arise

Disagreements over education or other matters may still happen, even if you’ve been co-parenting for years. Common challenges include deciding who pays for school activities or other expenses and making choices about secondary schools, GCSE subjects or university options.

If you find yourselves at an impasse, it’s important to remember you don’t have to face issues alone. You can resolve matters with the help of Family Mediation which will provide the opportunity and neutral space to work through issues constructively.

At K J Smith Solicitors, our experienced mediators specialise in family matters and can help you to reach agreements that prioritise your children’s wellbeing. Mediation is a confidential, voluntary process designed to help parents communicate better and find solutions without resorting to court.

By accessing external support, you can also reduce conflict and focus on what matters most – your children.

Conclusion

Whether you’re taking your first steps as a co-parent or have years of experience, the start of term is an opportunity to reset and establish fresh routines. By planning ahead, using the right tools and keeping communication respectful and focused on your child’s needs, you can protect their wellbeing and support their education.

If you need support agreeing new arrangements, resolving disputes or addressing ongoing challenges, our experienced family law solicitors can work with you to find the best outcome for your family. You can book a free 45-minute consultation to learn more. With clear planning and the right guidance, the new school year can mark a positive new chapter for you and your children.