New year reflections: When relationships need attention
As we move into a new year, many of us begin to reflect. We take stock of our health, work, finances and sometimes our relationships too.
For some, this reflection leads quickly to thoughts of separation, which is why family lawyers across the UK often refer to the first working day of January as “Divorce Day”. While the phrase is well known, it can oversimplify what is often a more thoughtful and gradual process. Many family law firms do see a noticeable rise in enquiries at this time, as people emerge from the pressures of the festive period and begin to face difficult but important questions about their relationships.
In this blog, we explore some of the common causes of relationship difficulties, why it can be helpful to pause rather than rush into decisions, and the alternatives to divorce that can help couples gain clarity, improve communication, and make informed choices about their future.
Introduction
While January often brings an increase in people enquiring about divorce, official statistics for England and Wales show that March, not January, is typically the busiest month for divorce proceedings.
If you find yourself questioning your relationship at the start of the year, it doesn’t mean that it is failing or that separation is inevitable. In many cases, this kind of reflection is a healthy and necessary step that can lead to better communication, renewed understanding, or simply greater clarity about what is going to come next.
Reassessing things at the start of the year can be a valuable way to reconnect – and a reminder that long-term relationships often require attention, effort and honest dialogue.
Why you should reflect on your relationship
For many people, relationships feel effortless at the beginning but this often changes as life becomes ‘fuller’ and more demanding. Careers evolve, financial pressures mount, children may arrive, and priorities shift. It’s no surprise that these changes can impact how couples connect with each other.
For some, this shows up as recurring arguments. For others, it appears in subtler ways.
You might notice that:
● you spend less time together, perhaps sit in separate rooms at home or quite rarely go out as a couple
● there is less emotional engagement and you no longer talk or confide in one another in the way you once did
● there is a sense of indifference, where you feel more like housemates than partners
Many couples experience a sense of distance or disconnection at some stage in their relationship. This doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship is over. More often, it reflects the natural ebb and flow of long-term relationships, particularly during periods of change or increased pressure. Recognising these signs early can be the first step towards reconnecting and making positive changes together.
Recognising relationship strain
If things feel under pressure, try not to assume that your relationship is the problem. Issues in a relationship often originate elsewhere.
Common contributing factors:
● work-related stress
● illness or major life transitions
● parenting demands or caring responsibilities
● financial pressure and rising living costs
● communication breakdowns
Any one of these factors can place a relationship under strain, and it is often a combination of pressures that takes its toll.
You may also be experiencing a sense of personal dissatisfaction. Perhaps you feel:
● unfulfilled in your career
● undervalued at home
● isolated
● unsure of your own direction
Relationships are often the place where these pressures surface, even if they are not where the problems began. Sometimes we take out the emotional angst of life on the people who are closest to us – our partners. They may not be the source of the problem or the reason for the angst, but they can bear the brunt of our dissatisfaction or despair. Taking time to understand where the strain is really coming from can help before making any significant decisions about separation or divorce.
Communication Is Key
Communication is probably the most important foundation of any long-term relationship, and one of the first things that suffers (or evaporates) during stressful periods. When relationships feel strained, couples often focus on what feels wrong before considering how they communicate with one another.
Early on in a relationship, couples naturally talk about their values, ambitions and life goals – where they want to live, what kind of work they want to do and the future they hope to build together. Over time, as life gets busier and responsibilities increase, those conversations can become less frequent or stop altogether.
Many couples continue to communicate efficiently about practical matters such as household tasks, childcare or finances. However, these practical discussions can gradually crowd out deeper emotional conversations, meaning that more difficult topics are avoided, perhaps without either partner fully realising it.
Simply talking things through can help couples understand one another better and feel more connected during challenging periods. Good communication doesn’t mean never disagreeing! It means being able to talk openly and honestly, listen without judgment, and address issues before either of you becomes entrenched.
In the UK, the relationship charity Relate highlights communication difficulties as one of the most common reasons couples seek support. Improving how you talk and listen to one another can help build stronger, more resilient relationships. You can read more communication tips from Relate in this helpful article.
Recognising that relationship difficulties may be linked to communication issues can be a powerful first step towards positive change.
Getting support
If you are feeling uncertain about your relationship, it may be helpful to consider whether additional support could help improve communication.
Couples counselling provides a neutral space to explore your feelings and better understand one another. Services such as Relate relationship counselling can support couples at any stage of being together – and can be particularly helpful before making major decisions such as splitting up.
Mediation can also play a valuable role, through guided, respectful conversations, not only for couples who are separating, but for people who feel unsure and are seeking clarity. At KJS, we often recommend mediation as part of a wider, supportive approach within our ecosystem of care. It can provide a safe and structured space for open and respectful conversations.
Mediation allows couples to explore concerns, expectations and practical issues in a non-confrontational way. Many couples report long-term improvements in communication and reduce tension following mediation, regardless of the eventual outcome.
Importantly, the key point here is that seeking help does not commit you to separation. Instead, it can form part of a broader framework of support to help you identify the right path forward for you and your family. You can find out more about mediation and our mediator, Eleanor Towsey on our website.
Supporting change
When a relationship feels under pressure, small proactive steps can help restore clarity and connection:
● Consider starting a conversation at a calm moment. Share how you are feeling without assigning blame and allow space to listen as well as speak.
● Try to make time without distractions. Even short, regular moments together, such as a walk or a coffee, can help rebuild connection.
● Where possible, seek support early. Counselling, therapy or mediation are often most effective before difficulties become deeply entrenched.
● Reflect on both partners’ needs and expectations. What do you want from the future and what are you each able to bring to the relationship?
● Try small adjustments together, such as rebalancing responsibilities or changing routines.
When you share a life, an open and transparent approach can help protect not only emotional well-being, but also the long-term stability of your relationship.
Where family law support fits in
Family law is often associated with endings but in reality, it is about options, solutions and finding the right path forward. At K J Smith Family Law, we support clients through our ecosystem of care that recognises the emotional and practical dimensions of relationship breakdown or uncertainty, alongside the legal considerations.
Our focus is not on rushing anyone towards divorce, but on helping people to understand their options and make informed decisions that are right for them and their families.
In some cases, mediation or collaborative approaches may help. In others, counselling or therapeutic support may be more appropriate. That is why we often encourage clients to explore these services alongside legal advice.
We also work in partnership with family support specialist Storm Copestake from Bright Minds Coaching. Storm runs specialist workshops that provide emotional support and coping strategies for children and parents navigating family change. You can find out more about her “Figuring out Family” workshops on our website.
Looking ahead
Questioning your relationship does not mean you have failed. Often, it shows that you are paying attention. Long-term relationships require effort, particularly as life becomes more complex. Time together and open conversations can help couples revisit shared goals and decide whether their relationship can evolve in a healthier direction.
Most people take time, sometimes years, to decide that someone is “the one”. Decisions about ending a relationship, particularly where shared finances, property or children are involved, deserve the same level of care and consideration. Choices of this magnitude benefit from reflection rather than haste.
The right approach can lead to renewed understanding, better decisions and healthier outcomes, whatever path you choose. If you would like a clearer sense of direction or guidance on your next steps, we offer a free 45-minute consultation to help you explore your options calmly and thoughtfully.
