What if we want to try again? Can you stop a divorce after filing?

Starting divorce proceedings tends to make things feel very final. For some couples, though, that first step can bring clarity rather than certainty – and sometimes raises a difficult question: what if we’re not ready to let go just yet?   Changing your mind doesn’t mean you’ve failed, and it doesn’t mean you’re obliged to continue or stop. It simply means you’re reassessing what feels right.

Can you pause or stop divorce proceedings?

Divorce is rarely a straight line from decision to outcome. For many couples, initiating proceedings creates emotional space,  sometimes leading to improved communication, reflection or a renewed willingness to work on the relationship.   It’s not unusual for one or both people to wonder whether separation is truly what they want, or whether reconciliation might be possible, perhaps with the right support. This can happen at any stage, from the early administrative steps to later points when finances or arrangements for children are being discussed.   Under the current no-fault divorce system in England and Wales, which has removed the need to assign blame, there is a minimum 20-week reflection period between the initial application and applying for a Conditional Order, the first legal step towards finalising the divorce. That built-in period of reflection gives couples time to reassess, particularly once the immediate emotional intensity of filing for divorce has passed.   Understanding what reconciliation means legally, and what options exist if you need more time, can make a difficult situation feel less overwhelming. It’s about giving yourself permission to pause and think clearly, rather than feeling pressured to push forward or go back.  

How common is it to pause or withdraw divorce proceedings?

Couples reconsider separation more often than you might think. Sometimes it’s the emotional shock of formally starting divorce proceedings that prompts deeper reflection. For others, the practical discussions about children, money matters or living arrangements lead to more honest conversations than they’ve had in years.   In some cases, counselling or mediation helps couples view long-standing issues differently. In others, simply slowing down allows emotions to settle and decisions to feel less reactive.   It’s also common for couples who have taken early legal advice, particularly if they know what to expect before filing for divorce, to realise that the process itself has clarified what matters most to them.   For some, pausing proceedings allows them to confirm that separation is still the right path,  but with greater certainty and less conflict. Taking time to reflect is not a mistake; it’s part of a thoughtful process.  

Why second thoughts might arise

There is no single reason couples reconsider divorce. Here are a few possible factors:  

●         Emotional adjustment: The reality of separation can feel very different once paperwork begins

●         Improved communication: Practical discussions may open channels that had long been closed

●         Counselling or therapy: Professional support can help couples address problems in the relationship that previously felt unmanageable

●         Concern for children: Parents may want to explore every option before finalising separation,  considering their children’s wellbeing throughout the process

●         Understanding of consequences: Financial or lifestyle implications may feel more significant once discussed openly  

Some couples find that once conversations become calmer and more constructive, the dynamic between them shifts.

Check out our blog on how to have an amicable divorce.   It’s also important to acknowledge that not all reconciliation comes from a healthy place. Decisions driven by guilt, fear, financial dependency or pressure from the other person can lead to further distress later on. Taking time does not mean rushing back together.  

What happens legally if you pause or withdraw divorce proceedings?

You may wonder if you can cancel a divorce after filing, or stop a divorce before it is finalised. Under English divorce law, the legal position depends on how far the divorce process has progressed.  

Early stages

If proceedings have only just begun, it may be possible simply to pause before moving forward. There is no obligation to apply for the Conditional Order as soon as the 20-week period has passed. Many couples choose to let that stage wait while they reflect.  

Withdrawing proceedings

In some circumstances, proceedings can be formally withdrawn. Either applicant can ask for the application to be dismissed, or the couple can jointly ask the court to dismiss it. This closes the current application. If reconciliation later breaks down, a fresh application would generally need to be made and court fees paid again.  

After Conditional Order

If a Conditional Order has already been granted, couples can still choose not to apply for the Final Order (which legally ends the marriage). Until that Final Order is granted, you remain legally married, which can be important if you’re still negotiating finances or haven’t yet agreed on how to divide property and pensions. The court’s permission is required to dismiss proceedings.  

Financial proceedings

If financial remedy proceedings are underway, matters can still be paused by agreement. If hearings are listed, an application to adjourn may be required. It’s important to understand that pausing financial negotiations without a clear agreement can create uncertainty, particularly where property or pension arrangements are concerned.  

Restarting later

If reconciliation does not last, proceedings can be restarted. However, some administrative steps may need to be repeated, and there may be cost implications. Time limits may also apply to certain financial claims. If a Final Order has already been granted, then the marriage has legally ended. It is not possible to withdraw a divorce, so the only ‘way back’ at this point would be to remarry.   This is why early advice remains important – not to push you in any direction, but to explain your options clearly and ensure you understand the financial and legal implications.  

What outcomes should couples realistically expect?

Reconciliation is not a single outcome; it’s a process that can unfold in different ways. Some couples;  

●         Reconcile fully and stop proceedings

●         Pause, explore reconciliation and later still decide to separate

●         Find reconciliation highlights issues which confirm that separation is necessary

●         Reconcile emotionally but still decide to formalise financial arrangements for practical security.  

What matters is that the process leads to decisions which are sensible, informed and safe for both people involved. You may be concerned that pausing will make things legally ‘messy’ or that you will lose leverage. Pausing proceedings will not weaken your legal position, but it’s important to understand the financial implications of delay.  

What to discuss with your solicitor if you’re unsure

If you’re considering reconciliation, it’s helpful to speak openly with your solicitor as soon as you can. Consider questions such as these:  

●         Whether proceedings can be paused and what you need to do

●         Any financial risks of delay or withdrawal

●         How property, pensions or interim arrangements may be affected

●         Whether interim agreements should be documented

●         The practical implications of the 20-week timeline

●         What happens if only one party wants to pause  

Legal advice at this stage offers clarity without requiring commitment. It ensures you understand the implications of each option without pressure.  

Emotional considerations: why are you trying again?

Reconciliation can be hopeful, but it’s important to be honest about motivation.  

●         Are we addressing the issues that led us here?

●         Do we both want to try again, or is one person hesitant?

●         Are we feeling pressured by family, financial concerns or fear of change?

●         Have we put support in place, such as counselling or mediation?

●         Is this reconciliation based on change, or on discomfort with uncertainty?  

Signs that reconciliation may be motivated by genuine reasons:

●         Both people have acknowledged specific issues and taken concrete steps to address them (such as starting therapy, either individually or as a couple)

●         Communication has improved through structured support, not just time passing

●         There's agreement about what needs to change, and both people are actively working on it  

Warning signs that reconciliation may be driven by avoidance or pressure:

●         One person is pushing for reconciliation while the other feels uncertain or reluctant

●         The motivation is primarily due to financial worries, or a fear of being alone, or concern about what others will think

●         No concrete changes have been made to address the issues that led to separation in the first place

●         Either person feels they “should” give it another try rather than genuinely wanting to do so  

Reconciliation rooted in genuine change and shared effort looks very different from reconciliation that is only inspired by avoidance or obligation.   If there has been coercive or controlling behaviour in the relationship, safety must remain the priority and understanding the warning signs of unhealthy dynamics can be an important starting point.   If you feel unsafe, pressured or controlled in any way, reconciliation should not be attempted without significant professional intervention. In some cases it may not be safe at all. Safety always takes priority.

If you’re unsure whether it’s safe to reconcile or if you feel pressured to do so, speak to your solicitor in confidence. They can help you assess whether reconciliation is appropriate in your circumstances and connect you with specialist support if needed.

How mediation and structured support can help

Mediation is not only for couples who are certain about separating. It can also provide a structured environment for couples who are unsure.   Some couples use mediation to:  

●         clarify expectations during a trial reconciliation

●         discuss finances openly

●         agree temporary parenting arrangements

●         set boundaries for a period of reflection  

For couples where there have been past conflicts or an imbalance of power, mediation can provide a neutral space where both people feel equally heard – and where reconciliation can be explored safely with professional oversight.   This is particularly important if trust has been damaged, perhaps through infidelity, as rebuilding trust requires transparency, accountability and, often, external support. Mediation helps ensure neither person feels pressured or unheard. You may find it helpful to read about what to prepare for your initial mediation consultation.   Cooperative approaches – including mediation and early collaboration with structured communication – will reduce defensiveness and enable both people to feel understood. Relationship counselling can help couples rebuild their relationship, or separate with greater care if reconciliation isn’t the right path for them.   At K J Smith, we have created an ecosystem of care around this process, with our established network of mediators, counsellors, solicitors, paralegals and other professional bodies. Whatever direction you ultimately choose, structured support helps ensure that the decision is informed, balanced and not driven by pressure or uncertainty.  

There is no “right” timeline

Some couples reconcile quickly. Others take months of reflection. Some move forward with divorce but do so more calmly after a pause. What matters most is that reconciliation should never be rushed to meet external expectations or procedural milestones. Legal processes are structured, but they do allow space. The 20-week reflection period exists for a reason.   Changing your mind after starting divorce proceedings doesn’t mean you were wrong to begin them. Whether reconciliation lasts or not, taking time to reflect can lead to healthier decisions and clearer outcomes.   If you are looking to pause divorce proceedings, withdraw a divorce application, or simply understand your options under the no-fault divorce system in England and Wales, early advice can provide clarity without committing to a particular path. We are here to support thoughtful, unhurried decisions. The family law team at K J Smith Solicitors offers a free 45-minute consultation, providing space to talk things through and decide what feels right for you.