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Published: 12th November 2025
For many separated parents, Christmas can stir up a mix of emotions.
You might be looking forward to making it special for your children, yet feeling daunted by the logistics of sharing time, travelling between homes and keeping long-held traditions alive.
In this guide, we explore what children really need at Christmas, why early planning makes a difference, and how you can create a calm, happy festive season – even when family life looks a little different.
After the end of your relationship, Christmas can feel both precious and pressured. It can highlight just how much family life has changed and bring to the fore some of the family traditions that matter most to you.
You may feel an urge to make the festive season extra special, perhaps filling every moment with new activities or buying more gifts than usual. It’s a natural instinct, driven by a wish to protect your children from sadness or disruption.
It's true that children get excited about Christmas gifts, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But what they often remember most isn’t the presents or a perfectly planned day; it’s a feeling of relaxation, fun, warmth and being surrounded by people they love.
They also thrive on a sense of stability and consistency. Familiar routines and simple, shared moments can also make their Christmas feel special.
It’s likely you already have your own festive routines and rituals. Maybe you watch Christmas movies, wear matching festive pyjamas or build gingerbread houses together.
It’s these smaller, familiar rituals that, together, make this time of year feel so special. Even the return of the (dreaded) Elf on the Shelf can reassure children that Christmas is still fun and familiar.
For children spending Christmas between two homes, keeping to a few of these familiar traditions as much as possible will help them to feel grounded.
Perhaps you can take them out to see Father Christmas at a certain garden centre or shopping mall, enjoy a pantomime together, or go to see Christmas lights in your local town.
Between you and your ex-partner, you should still be able to do lots of these things, though perhaps at a different point in the holidays.
If things are friendly between you and your co-parent, a shared outing over the Christmas break can be a lovely way to keep traditions alive.
This can help your children feel connected to both of you and to the rhythm of Christmas as they know it. The key is flexibility: keeping the essence of what matters while letting go of the idea that everything has to happen exactly as it did before.
It is helpful to discuss some of your plans with your co-parent to avoid stepping on each other’s toes.
You could both be planning similar activities with the common goal of keeping things as they were before. If this is the case, be prepared to adapt and tweak your plans as this will help to avoid unnecessary conflict and tension.
For some, it might feel a little early to be filling the Christmas Calendar, but planning ahead allows everyone to manage expectations, reduce stress and make any necessary arrangements.
It’s worth thinking through the practicalities before December begins. Sudden changes or last-minute plans can cause confusion or anxiety. The more you can agree calmly and in advance, the less likely it is that small details will cause tension later down the line.
Planning early also gives both of you time to talk to your children about what Christmas will look like this year and frame the arrangements positively. Reassure them that they’ll have special time with both of you and that they may even get to enjoy two different Christmas celebrations in each home.
No two families are the same, but these are the kinds of arrangements it’s worth planning early to help Christmas go smoothly for everyone:
● Christmas Eve and Christmas Day: Will the children stay in one place or move between homes? Some families alternate these days each year; others keep one parent for Christmas Eve and Christmas morning, then swap for the afternoon and into Boxing Day.
● Boxing Day and the wider holiday period: If one parent has the children on Christmas Day, it can work well for the other to have them for Boxing Day and New Year’s. The key is to agree on a pattern that feels fair and sustainable.
● Travel and handovers: Factor in journey times and consider whether a neutral meeting point might reduce stress.
● Extended family time: If grandparents or relatives live far away, consider how to build in these visits without exhausting the children.
Even with separate households, it’s still possible to include extended family and your long-standing festive traditions in your plans. You might decide that having two Christmas celebrations on different days works best – allowing children to enjoy quality time with both sides of the family without anyone feeling left out.
Even with the best intentions, discussions about Christmas can be sensitive and often need to be handled delicately.
These tips can help you and your co-parent to stay calm and cooperative:
● Keep conversations child-focused. Ask “What will make this easiest for them?” rather than “What’s fair for me?”
● Be clear and factual. Once you’ve agreed on dates and times, confirm them in writing to avoid misunderstandings.
● Avoid emotional triggers. Stick to practical details and use neutral language.
● If tensions start to rise, take a pause before responding. Sometimes, a short break from a difficult conversation can prevent longer-term conflict.
● Show flexibility where you can. Small gestures like agreeing to swap a day or share travel can go a long way in maintaining goodwill.
● Use online tools. Shared calendars or co-parenting apps like Our Family Wizard can help keep everyone organised and reduce miscommunication.
If communication is tricky or you simply cannot come to an agreement, a family mediation session could help work through arrangements in a neutral, supportive setting. This not only helps you reach an agreement for the festive season but may also establish a framework that makes planning future Christmases smoother and less stressful for everyone involved.
It can also help you to focus on your children’s best interests rather than past grievances. You can find out more about mediation here.
If mediation doesn’t resolve things or isn’t suitable for your situation, you may need to seek legal advice. A family law solicitor can explain your options, including how a Child Arrangement Order would set out clear, workable plans for future years.
If you already have a Child Arrangement Order in place, check whether it adequately covers Christmas arrangements and speak with your solicitor early if you believe it needs amendment.
With so much to plan, it can be easy to overlook the small things. This quick checklist will help you feel prepared and keep this special time as stress-free as possible.
1. Plan early - make a list of familiar traditions and rituals and pencil them into your calendar
2. Agree who has the children on key dates - Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day
3. Sort travel, handovers and any extended family visits
4. Discuss and agree on gifts – coordinate with each other to avoid duplication or competition
5. Discuss Father Christmas’s role so your stories stay consistent for younger children
6. Communicate your plans clearly with your co-parent
7. Confirm your plans in writing or on a shared calendar
8. Prepare a backup plan
9. Reflect afterwards – noting what worked well and what you might like to change next year
Christmas after separation can feel different, but “different” doesn’t have to mean difficult. With thoughtful planning, honest communication and a focus on what your children truly need, it will still be a special time. If you’re navigating an array of post-separation firsts, you may well find that your children double up on a few Christmas treats – two turkey dinners, stockings under two trees and even an Elf on the Shelf getting up to mischief in both of your houses!
However you celebrate, the most important thing is to keep the season peaceful and fun. You can preserve that sense of connection and celebration, even if the timings or details look a little different.
At K J Smith Solicitors, we understand how complex Christmas arrangements can become for separated parents. Our experienced team is here to offer you clear, compassionate support – whether through legal advice or family mediation. We offer a free 45-minute consultation to help you find a practical way forward, as we believe every parent deserves a Christmas built around calmness and connection with their family.
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